48 days and counting......
My goodness, time just keeps slipping away and with the holidays it seems to pace at double speed. By the time New Years rolls around, we will have only three weeks left if the due date stands. Monday morning as I went through my calendar to plan out my work week, I came to the realization that I have to get moving on transitioning my projects to other people so they have time to figure out what they need to finish while I am away. I think I was a little in denial that this time would come, these things had to be resolve and there is indeed a little person within my body that has to come out. I have so much to do and very little time left to do it. I panicked.
This week I have been focused on figuring out who should take what project and trying to get them inbedded into the project now. I'm trying to allow myself to relax a little bit and keep my hands from clenching on to these things so I can let them go into good, capable hands. It's not the end of the world, even though it felt like that for a while. I'm having a baby, not falling off the face of the earth. Darn it, it is just so hard to give it all up--maternity leave looms like some black cloud of the unknown. Sure, I bitch about my job at times, but when it comes down to it--I love what I do. I can't imagine doing anything else. Maybe subconsciously I'm afraid that I'll enjoy maternity leave that I won't want to come back (just a theory).
With this new little person blessing our lives, my identity changes again as a person. It also changes my ability to commit to some extent to my projects for a while. I have had a hard time accepting and acknowledging that, but I'm starting too. It's hard to charge ahead, take additional responsibility towards more project managerial tasks and then have to let it go for a while. There's an underlying fear that it will be gone forever, but I've been assured it won't be. I can't help but fear it and only time will tell what the outcome will be. I have to prepare for this now with the possibility the baby may come early, rather than procrastinate with the gamble that s/he will be late. I don't like to gamble.
This week I have been focused on figuring out who should take what project and trying to get them inbedded into the project now. I'm trying to allow myself to relax a little bit and keep my hands from clenching on to these things so I can let them go into good, capable hands. It's not the end of the world, even though it felt like that for a while. I'm having a baby, not falling off the face of the earth. Darn it, it is just so hard to give it all up--maternity leave looms like some black cloud of the unknown. Sure, I bitch about my job at times, but when it comes down to it--I love what I do. I can't imagine doing anything else. Maybe subconsciously I'm afraid that I'll enjoy maternity leave that I won't want to come back (just a theory).
With this new little person blessing our lives, my identity changes again as a person. It also changes my ability to commit to some extent to my projects for a while. I have had a hard time accepting and acknowledging that, but I'm starting too. It's hard to charge ahead, take additional responsibility towards more project managerial tasks and then have to let it go for a while. There's an underlying fear that it will be gone forever, but I've been assured it won't be. I can't help but fear it and only time will tell what the outcome will be. I have to prepare for this now with the possibility the baby may come early, rather than procrastinate with the gamble that s/he will be late. I don't like to gamble.
posted by Mike and Jenny Olson | 1:32 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home